Y ahí estaba de vuelta, entrando a la misma terminal que hace solamente 10 meses, estaba saliendo. Pero este vez, está todo a revés. Cuando me iba, me quedaba ajena, confundida con todo el español. Ahora, me parece tan raro tener ingles en todos lados. Cada vez que empiezo hablar, me viene español. Cuando tengo que comunicarme en ingles me cuesta, no puedo pensar como lo decía yo, antes. Cada vez que empecé a hablar, salío español. Y ahora éste mundo, éste país es el extraño.
Tuesday July 26th, 2011 (a.k.a my last day in Argentina)
31 JulAfter coming home from Boquerón, everything was rushed. I had only three days in my town until I was off to Buenos Aires to board the plane taking me away. In some ways it was better. I didn’t give me time to think, to wallow in my sadness, I had things 72 hours left to be with my family and friends, there was no time left to be sad that I was leaving, that would have to wait.
There is a difference here between I love you, and I love you. In English, they come out the same way but in Spanish you can say “te quiero” or “te amo”. “Te quiero” means I love you, but it has a distinct use from “te amo” which also translates to I love you. “Te quiero” is used to say I love you to a friend, between family, between boyfriends, but it’s more of lighter form. An everyday phrase that can be thrown around. But then there is “te amo” which is used only between people really close, that is a very serious way to say “I love you”. Its hard to explain, its one of those things that you’d have to come live in Argentina to see and understand it for yourself. For the past 10 months I had many friends that “me quierían” (loved me), but only towards the end, after months of realizing the difference between friends and best friends, I found two people that “me aman” (love me): my sister Agostina and my friend Lulu. I had told them “te amo” a couple of times but the day they told me that, I was attacked by tears. Its interesting leaving behind a home, everything you’ve wanted to say, wanted to do, finds its time to come out.
After a nice afternoon with Lulu, it was time to get ready for mi fiesta de despidida (going away party). Fran offered to host the party in his house. Its funny how I found myself right back where I started, but at the same time completely different. The very first outing I had in Argentina was pizzas and a party in Fran’s house. And where was I now? Knocking on his door with 4 pizzas in hand. But this time, I was the insider. I felt right at home, sitting and talking with my friends when only 10 months earlier, I was sitting at the same table nervous, confused, and out of place. People from all over town came to send me off. It was nice how people that had problems with eachother set them aside and passed the night together with me. Ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-friends all there. It was truly an amazing night. I just felt so happy and so loved.
The night ended nicely with my closest friends sleeping over (lulu, agos, rocio, and lucia). After final goodbyes, and a little bit of last minute packing I was off to the airport. I had imagined this part quite differently, in my imagination everyone was balling. But there were more laughs and smiles than tears and frowns. I passed the last couple hours I had dancing, singing, laughing, and teasing with my sister. We loved eachother and knew that we’d continue being sisters or in other cases friends.
The flights:
10:30pm Buenos Aires to Miami (arrive at 6:40 am)
7 hour layover – florida has a 1 hour time difference with argentina
1:15pm Miami to LA
4:10pm LA to Monterey (4 hour time difference from Argentina)
The first set of tears came in the car ride. I had a 5 hour drive to the airport, which unfortunately gave me quite a bit of time to think. The next set came as part of a mental breakdown: I had been doing quite well, already checked in, passed security, and had made it to the immigration check without a single whimper. Stepping up to the counter I came face to face with a man that had obviously woken up on the wrong side of the bed. He had already rolled his eyes at me before I’d even said a word. He continued with a sigh as he opened my passport and visa, “You need a parental authorization to leave this country.”
Stunned and confused I began to ask what exactly I needed, why no one had told me beforehand, that they had let me into Argentina without a problem but was met with a cold response, “I can’t let you leave Argentina, please go.”
BAMN! I slap to the chest. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening, “please, I don’t know what to do. I don’t have a phone, my parents are in the states waiting for me, I have no one to contact…”
His only response was, “Stop lying, you’re a big person, leave.”
That was it. I turned around, and walked back towards the exit. Next thing I knew, I was uncontrollably sobbing. Short of breath, tears streaming one after the other. Complete breakdown. I went to one agent to ask for help, and she sent me downstairs to the immigration official office. Unable to stop crying, I continued to the office. When the guy finally attended me, I was shocked to hear that there was absolutely nothing wrong, not a single thing missing. He said that I didn’t need any authorization, that I was free to leave. The only problem left was the fact that my plane had already started boarding and I had to go through the entire security process again. Very kindly he kept telling me to calm down, stop crying…if only words were as easy as actions. But he gave me a priority pass and I made it to the gate just in time for last call boarding
BOQUERÓN!
31 Jul10 days, no phone signal, no internet, no sleeping on beds, freezing cold, boiling hot, cold showers, lack of running water, poverty, etcetra etcetra . . . I couldn’t have been more excited! Ever since September I’d been waiting to go on this trip. It’s a group of kids, my age, from my town, traveling 32 hours in bus to help out the town of Boquerón (province Santiago del Estero).
It was one of the most amazing experiences. I spent the days playing with kids that needed love, kids that gave so much love, painting churches, painting walls, singing, eating tortillas santigueñas (breadish type thing), drinking mate, and meeting lots of lovely people. During the trip we would go on visits to the townspeoples’ houses. It was beautiful thing to watch as we would arrive on the doorstep, without any type of pre-advisement, and the people of the house would put on a smile, take out the necessary amount of chairs and get the mate started for complete strangers.
I returned from the trip with less clothes, paint splattered throughout my clothes and body, aching from the days of sleep on a cold hard ground, but full of love, appreciance, knowledge, with a godson, a niece, a 3 year old that loves and is going to miss me after only 7 days together, and a promise of one day I will return.
Money is not a measure of ones happiness.
the “lasts” have already started
14 JulTuesday, I was thrown off guard by a big goodbye party at school. There was a cake with my name, lots and lots of food, hugs, singing, and laughing. We went for the route without crying
Then Wednesday, my actual last day, I was given a goodbye gift a little more argentine style: eggs and flour. After finishing school and rounding the corner, i was told to wait for a gift the whole class had bought me. I stand there waiting for something and all of sudden: CRACK! an egg was just broken over my head. Unforturnately, this wasnt the only egg. It was quickly followed by tons of eggs and flour everywhere! gotta love argentina.
Today I’m off for the next 1o days to Boqueron. A county in the province of Santiago del Estero that is extremely poor. Some towns don’t have schools, bathrooms, etc. So I’m going with a group to help. Not to pledge religion, just to help. To build, to paint, to spend time with the children.
contradictions
9 JulI feel like 2 of the big things I’ve learned here, is the value of friendship, and on the other side, learn how much I enjoy my own company. I’ve become my own person, I person I enjoy and like. I don’t need to depend on anyone, not friends nor family (not to say they don’t help), to be happy. I’ve changed an incredible amount while here, and I am so happy with the person I am. Instead of changing my personality with every other person, mooching off of the others, I’ve learned what I’m actually like.
Then, completely contradictory, I’ve learned the true value of friendship. I’ve found myself leaning with all my weight on friends. I’ve learned what its like to have friends that you can be completely yourself with. You can pass weeks straight together without getting annoyed or sick of eachother. The same person is the one you laugh your ass off with, tell your deepest secrets, and possibly to the stupidest things with. I’ve made my own unbreakable bonds and I’ve also watched from a distance. I know best friends here and when I ask them how long they’ve been friends, they respond THIRTEEN YEARS! I’ve never seen anything like it.
And not to mention, the support I’ve received from all my friends and family from the states. You truly realize what you have when its taken away.
S.O.S.
4 JulI just crossed another day off my calendar.
my mom just told me only 29 more days.
my dad can’t wait to see me in less than 4 weeks.
my friend abbie is so excited for my arrival.
everyone is just so happy that im coming back home, I’m sitting here and crying.
I look at the bed next to mine. 118 days i’ve been sharing a closet sized room with Agostina. In 292 days of companionship, in 118 days of shared living, crying, DJ-ing showers, fighting, dancing, photos, laughing, shopping, hugging,chocolate, singing, sharing, s’mores, helping, teasing, listening, trusting, a random girl from Santa Teresita, Argentina, became my sister that I love so incredibly much. In only 23 days, she’s gone. I’m gone.
I close my eyes and think of this woman, this classmate, this argentine, this person who only a year ago I didn’t even know existed, this person who is now one of my best friends. The person who’s made me laugh, who’s listened to my secrets, my worries, my dumb jokes and laughed anyways, the person who patiently taught me this new language, who brought me into this new culture, showing me every twist and turn, this person that I love. Ludmila Renzi, this person who in 23 days will still be in Santa Teresita, Argentina while I’m on a plane, leaving.
France, Germany, Denmark, Mexico, Finland, Belgium, each a country that’s not my own. Each a country containing people I love.
I look at my background, every 5 seconds a new photo passes. Every 5 second another of the thousands of memories of Argentina is shown. Every photo a face of someone who changed my life in some way, who made me laugh, who supported me through this year. Every single photo a face of a person I’ve watched leave to their home hours away, of a person who’s home is here in Argentina, hours away. Of a person, I’ve already had to say goodbye to, of a person I’ll have to say goodbye to. 23 days. 23 days.
I don’t know how to do this. I don’t want to do this.
